Learning to Let Go

Change is hard. Something we all can learn early to make life more enjoyable is letting go of what we can't control. If we are constantly stressing about external factors on our life, aren't we robbing ourselves of where we can actually make an impact? Steven Covey in his acclaimed work "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" clearly explains ( and diagrams) the circle of control and circle of concern. Turns out we spend a lot of our time concerned about things we have little control over. Covey encourages us to focus on situations and tasks where we have more influence. Just stay in your lane and you're good. right? Easier said than done.

Just look at this past week. Roger Federer, the tennis legend retired. No question that made a massive impact on the sport. Elegant and masterful strokes and his unparalleled sportsmanship are ways he has inspired so many to watch and play tennis. His career was marked by 20 grand slam wins in over 20 years. He won't be forgotten and he can clearly retire knowing he did all he could and made a clear positive impact. But it was still difficult for him to retire and for many of his fans to accept this as well. Why?

While it's hard to see one of your favorite sports icons stop playing, seismic changes are even harder when they hit closer to home.

A few years ago I left a company due to a new sea change of management. It was abrupt I had been traveling from Austin (my home at the time) to Madison twice a month and residing in an apartment in Madison while working the two weeks per month. I got to know the town and developed deeper relationships with my colleagues there. It was a second home to me, and to my husband who came up to enjoy some weekends there.

I not only lost my job along with most other VP's, but I had to leave the city and my apartment and say goodbye to many friends who I would not be seeing much anymore. It was so painful to let go of all that, but I trusted I could do more. Within a month, I started a consulting practice and within 2, had paying clients. I enjoyed my flexibility. I started playing tennis again. It led me to where I am now, post- Covid, working with one of my first clients, and moving out west to Santa Fe, and loving it.

I believe letting go requires creativity. resilience and trust. Countless studies warn us all about the dangers of holding regrets, stress, or other trapped emotions for long. Not only physically does it wreak havoc, but this clinging to the loss stops us from moving forward onto the next discovery of life, and can lead to dreaded stagnation and potentially depression.

Do we not trust the future or ourselves?

Someone once asked me if trust was earned or given. While most of those I ask that same question reflexively answer earned, I have always chosen to give trust freely until I have reason to withhold it. I choose to accept the fact that in new territory I will encounter failure (learning) and adjust. I have found that each time doung so I happily find people (and myself) are far more capable than our fears lead us to believe.

Perhaps the secret of letting go of anything is to try offering trust into an uncertain future, including trust in ourselves. Each time we progress into something new, we are indeed letting go of the older version of ourselves. We can do this while still honoring what has past, and the foundations that have been built for more to succeed.

Roger's future, his fans' futures and all of our futures are wide open. Trust yourself with whatever comes your way. You can't control the world but you can control your choices.